Jokes


I’m Sick Doc!

A Veterinarian was sick and went to see the doctor.

The doctor asked him all the usual questions about symptoms etc., when he interrupted him: “Hey look, I am a Vet – *I* don’t need to ask my patients all these questions. I can tell what is wrong just by looking.” He added, “Why can’t you?”

The doctor nodded, stood back, looked him up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to him, and said, “There you are. …Of course, if *that* does not work, we’ll have to have you put down.”

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Doggy Q & A

Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?

A: Because you can’t bury them in trees!

Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?

A: He was trying to make both ends meet!

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A: A collie-flower!

Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?

A: “Because no one else will do it for them!”

Q: Why didn’t the dog speak to his foot?

A: Because it’s not polite to talk back to your paw!

Q: What is the dogs favorite city?

A: New Yorkie!

Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian?

A: Growlcho Marx!

Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?

A: “Well, doggone!”

Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

A: He stole the show!

Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?

A: It chases parked cars!

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Beware of Dog!

On the door of the little country store a stranger noticed the sign DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside he saw a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” “Yep, that’s him,” he replied.

The stranger could not help but be amused. “That certainly does not look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

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It’s Just a Cocky

A burglar is sneaking through this house one night, when out of the darkness comes a voice, “I can see you, and so can Jesus”.

The burglar freezes in his tracks and is too frightened to move. After ten minutes, nothing has happened so he moves forward. Again from the darkness comes the voice, “I can see you, and so can Jesus”. The burglar is petrified and too frightened to move a muscle.

After thirty minutes, he decides to do something. He backs very slowly and tentatively to the wall and feels around for a light switch. He switches on the light and there in front of him, sit a cockatoo in a cage, who says, “I can see you, and so can Jesus”.

Greatly relieved, the burglar sighs, “It’s just a cocky”. The cocky looks at the burglar and says, “I might be just a cocky but Jesus is a big German Shepherd”.

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Man to dog trainer: “Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner.”

Dog trainer: “That’s OK, he is a Boxer.”

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Clever Dog

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, “We’ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.” Her husband replies, “Well, lots of dogs can do that.” The wife responded, “But we’ve never subscribed to any!”

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Obedience School

During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking.

One said to the other…”The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you will never use in the real world.”

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Rottie

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says “My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?” The vet says, “Well, let’s have a look at him.” So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. Finally he says “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Just because he is cross-eyed?” “No, because he is really, really heavy.”

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