Dog Stories by Mish de Mutt: In Spite of Everything, I Am Still Alive (story continues)

August 29th, 2011
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The old saying that some have more luck than sense fits me perfectly. If not for that “luck” all memories of me would have evaporated long ago. I would be gone and forgotten.

That makes me so sad down deep in my soul. I want to be remembered… By the way, you do know that dogs have souls? Don’t let anyone to tell you differently.

The first of my life–threatening incidents, caused by a lack of brainpower, happened one snowy winter. Yes, sir! We did have tons of snow, and I had to use a narrow corridor dug out in the snow to go out to do you-know-what.

I didn’t like it, and since I was very young and knew everything better, I decided to use a shortcut. I jumped over a mountain of snow and found myself covered in that white stuff up to my neck. The more I tried to release myself from the icy embrace, the deeper I sank in.

It seemed that unless someone would come to my rescue on the double, I might become a frozen lunch or dinner for some barbaric people who eat–good heavens–dogs! I don’t mean “hot dogs,” but puppies like me!

Because I have more luck than sense, that adventure ended well. But I hate snow to this day, and admire wintry images strictly through the window.

The other time that I almost killed myself happened at home. Surely, I should have gone down the stairs at the normal speed, but no! I was in a hurry, suddenly lost control, and became an unstoppable rocket.  My four paws were working overtime trying to regain balance and reduce the speed, to no avail. At the same time, I was throwing all the hanging pictures off the wall.

First went Rubens and his “Triumph of Silenius” (what an obscene old guy!). Next was Murillo’s “A Boy Drinking” and Van Dyke’s elegant gentleman, “Cornelius van der Geest.” Down went da Vinci’s “Madonna of the Rocks” and a hard-to-describe “Jerusalem” in a golden frame bought in Israel.

The golden frame broke into pieces and, as you can easily guess, that accident didn’t add to my popularity at home. Well luckily, it was the frame and not me that landed broken at the bottom of the stairs. Anyway, I now avoid all stairs and never, ever visit the upper floor. I simply have no business there.

But this is not the end of my adventures. I must confess that as a young dog, I was consumed with an unrestrained inquisitiveness. I used to put my nose into all kinds of places, sometimes with interesting results.

Ladies’ purses left open on the floor were always full of surprises. Once, in such a purse, I found a small plastic bottle, that delightfully rolled on the floor. But something was rattling inside, and I obviously had to discover what it was. So I took the whole thing outside and bit into the bottle and… voila! I found tiny pills that looked very much like rice.

I licked a couple of them. They were sweet and nice. So, I ate the whole thing, leaving only two pills on the grass. Actually, those two pills saved my life. They were the undeniable evidence of what I did, and what I did could have easily killed me. I was packed immediately in the car and taken to the hospital. I really couldn’t understand what all that fuss was about? I was fine!

I will spare you all the gory details of what they did to me in order to get the forbidden “treats” out of my poor stomach. And to make things even worse, they shaved my two front paws to attach the IV. Suddenly, I looked like a poodle, and that was a true humiliation for a real mutt.

The next day, I returned home in a wonderful mood. I was sure that I would be welcomed with open arms, kisses, and a double portion of my favorite food. Heck! What a disappointment! No sympathy and the cold shoulder.

Many times, I was treated like a foolish boy and called a total blockhead. I didn’t understand those expressions, but I’ll bet they were not complimentary. I have a strong suspicion that the hospital bill had something to do with it.

Too bad. But the main thing is that in spite of all that, I am still alive!

If you missed reading the previous chapter, see Mish de Mutt: The Beginning.

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